[[*---Swirling in the abyss of Darkness---*]]

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

[[change.]]

it seems amazing how i dun seem to be frightened or affected by it...especially the particular place...which i inevitably pass by every single day. why not? i do not have the answer to that question too...how i wish i knew. but perhaps its better...maybe it means that time have indeed diluted the memory...though...i dun really want it to. what has happened...happened...and apparently will never change for anything. though obviously i can choose to change my present...my future...if i wanted to and if i tried hard enough...but whats the point when i have no idea what i want. and its not always just to work towards something that you want...sometimes...its just not right. so anyway...enough bullshit.

yesterday is history.
tomorrow is a mystery.
today is a gift.

__fiEryhA__

[[ Branched ]]*|12:48 AM|

Monday, October 15, 2007

[[aye...]]

inevitably...just as i knew it would happen...we ventured into the topic about him once again. though this time its abit different...it was thinking about him from the prespective of another close. i always knew that it could never be forgotten completely even though its already been close to 4yrs...for there were too much at stake...too much put into it to be erased from the mind. but hearing that she teared over it yet again...after all these time...was just heartwrenching. i could do nothing else but to remain calm and unaffected...i had to show that i was stronger...that it doesnt bother me anymore...that it never did...so that they wouldnt have to worry about me.

it also made me realise how important she was to me...that what would i do if she was gone one day. it scares me to even think about it...when it seems that every part of my life involved her...i really hope that day would never come.

then it was also the first time that i seriously looked at him going off. how much i realised he aged...and yet still had to be away from us...all alone. it was as though he was leaving for the first time...as i watched his image getting smaller and smaller...suddenly i wished that he didnt have to go and wondered what would my life be like if only he had been here all these time.

no idea what i am talking about...but i am sleepy..zzz

trapped in a fragmented loop of unease and despair.
__fiEryhA__

[[ Branched ]]*|1:50 AM|