[[*---Swirling in the abyss of Darkness---*]]

Thursday, June 21, 2007

[[dumb.]]

isn't it interesting...that whenever u meet something unfortunate in your life or encounter any unhappy incidents...u would curse the rotten world and hope that it didn't happen. but then...after some time...u chance upon something joyful...something u might deem as the best thing that ever happened to you. would you then...at this time...ever feel that everything bad that happened to you...all the bad days...all the pain and hurt you've suffered...was worth it as it all led to you receiving the wonderful gift of life now. well...even though its kind of true...but there's always two sides to everything. u might be pleased with what u have gotten at this point because of a bad decision...but think again. would things be even better if u had made the correct decision in the first place...would it lead to a much brighter future...a happier one...and u actually blew it. nvm...its the way pessimists think. but at least its an optimisstic kind of pessimistic thought. ahh...i seriously miss you. whenever i think of the past...it always felt as though those things happened just yesterday...but yet you are here no more. its been awhile...times have moved on...things have changed...leaving behind only but a fragment of the past to allow me for reminiscence...fragments which seemed to have aged...worn down...being on the brink of dissipation. by the time that happens...i would no longer have any support to cling on...nothing to remind me of you. so i am going to do all i can to salvage any memories that i can lay hands on...not letting them slip through my fingers ever...to keep them close to my heart...to keep you close to my heart.

i remember that when it was still raw...the things we did together...all the habits fights and squabbels that we had gotten used to. it came almost naturally for me to come to you...only to come crashing down back to reality...cold hard reality...to face the fact that you are no longer there. seriously...there were times...that something that happened to me...things that i would usually confide in you or look to you immediately...like when watching a show on tv...when something funny or familiar occurs...i would turn to you...then we would exchange gazes and understand what was on our minds...then we would laugh together...the chemistry and all that we nurture throughout the years. the feeling was almost weird...it was as though...i dunno...as though it was all a magic act...all the memories of your existence was but an illusion...a hallucination...all a dream...and i had woken up from it...only to leave you to vanish as though u werent here in the first place. there was definitely not enough time we had together...to cherish each other...to let you know how much i cared and loved you. there was so much left undone...so many dreams to fulfill together...a vast and bright future that lies ahead for us to venture. but nvm...its no longer possible anymore...it was all but a lie.

times without you by my side at first was truly scary. i had never...not even once...picture this ever happening to me...i was used to having you by my side...to help me with my problems...well i guess i was being overdependent...and now that you are gone...i just simply fell...i didnt know what to do...what my next step was going to be...i was confused lost and frightened...the kind of fear was different from being afraid of ghosts or the dark or anything else...i have no words to describe it...guess that would be something that you would only understand if only you experienced it. days went past as i felt that i was learning everything all over again...it was like a child being thrown into the deep end of the pool without an adult...a guardian angel to watch over...and the only thing he can depend on is himself...to learn to survive by himself. it was exactly what i had to do...no more having someone ahead to "test" the surroundings to see whether it was safe and to give any sound advice...i had to do everything by myself. but the biggest obstacle i had to cross was the absence of your presence. to go on day by day without ever being able to see you again...always praying that you would pop by in my dreams. this had also been the main reason why i keep thinking about what would be different if only you were still around...which roughly explains the dumb opening paragraph. but mainly cause i believe that you would have been able to bring me much more happiness then i could have ever gotten in my life...absolutely nothing in this world...could be exchanged for...to part you from my life...if only it was my decision to make...if only...

everyday holds true for potential beauty.
__fiEryhA__

[[ Branched ]]*|10:02 PM|

[[ending.]]

well the holidays are ending yehh...and damn first thing back is common test...which for you info i havent studied at all for...whether or not you guys believe. i doubt you guys will believe...cause it will make ya'll feel better when my marks still win u guys rite...lolx. haiz....nvm its mainly cause i juz cnt get into the mood to study...and when you're not in the mood...nth juz seem to get into ur head...so might as well not try to study...waste of time...might as well spend it on enjoying myself first yehh...till i get the feel.

any damn the com sux...stupid tagboard not working...so...dis is actually a golden opportunity for u ppl out there...if there is something u wanna say to me...juz go to msn and tok to me man...instead of juz tagging here...at least it ensures u get a faster reply...and it give YOU a chance to chat with ME....yehh...u are the lucky one. so dun say i didnt give u ppl any chance to get to know me btr ya...hahah.

peace. out.
__fiEryhA__

[[ Branched ]]*|7:30 PM|