dis is weird man...in sec3 and 4 i usually cnt get to slp even at 2 or 3am...but now...im actually able to fall aslp at 10plus! or rather...im feeling bloody slpy every single second im awake and im falling aslp nearly everywhr...during tutorials...lectures...on the bus...while slacking...watching tv...and especially at the sight of books (duhh -.-") seriously its not a good thing man...i cnt concentrate well at all while im like dat lahh.
haiz...jc life is making me sick man. considering the fact dat dey are promoting more independent learning...im suppose to be dng my revisions often and pay attention during lessons...both of which i totally suck at. in the past at least even if i dun pay attention or do revisions...i cn stiu piah at the end and manage to pass. i keep tinking of wht life wud be like if i went to poly lahh...bud nvm abt dat...since im in jc liao...boh bian.
now taking 3h2 and 1h1...seriously i nid to consider carefully which one i wan to piah for h3...chem or maths? as a jc student i tink its very impt for me to hav one lahh...it'll btr ensure my future in a gd uni and also a h3 subject will also help improve on my h2 subject, like our tchr said. like dat if i mug like mad i'll at least hav a fighting chance to hav as many As as 4h2 students...while only taking 3subjects to be exact. bud now...given my attitude...im not dng any homework...im not dng any revision...everyday go lessons plus training i also die liao...also not paying attention during lect and tutorials. how to get gd grades and get a h3 lehh u tell me. aye...im so tired everyday...i juz wan to slp lahh...how to study...zzzz.
life is kinda getting damn stressful. most of which comes frm my damn cca, canoeing. basically...i love the bloody sport...thr are times which i totally dig it...i cn feel like dis is the one cca for me man...not to mention the aim of getting into shape and being able to get dat SAJC TEAM shirt...only given to sportsmen who represents the college in competitions. wun dat be damn zai. bud then agn...thr are also times when i totally hate being in the cca...either cos of the ppl in it or cos im finding an excuse to say dat i cnt take the training. whoever noes me wud noe dat i simply hate running...simply hate it. bud no choice canoeing hav to run. so it makes me so tempted to just quit and end all the torment...not to mention the amt of freedom i hav to sacrifice for the 4days per week training schedule. then thr's also the fitness part. im juz a plain fat average kid who cnt run or do pullups...unfortunately both of which are most impt in the army napfa and of cos canoeing. its like...i hav been through almost 3mths of training already...yet i stiu cnt do pullups...how weak is dat. i envy those who are able to do pullups...for some unknown reason i find it cool to be able to do it...mayb cos im unable to do so. how long more of training wud i hav to go through before im able to do a decent number of em...instead of always being stuck at only one...its damn pathetic. and for the ppl part... all my frenz pangseh me in like 1 or 2mths only...leaving me alone in thr to fend for myself. basically im like invisible to the rest...dey are obviously oblivious to my existence. u noe how damn irritated and frustrating issit to feel leftout? its always hanging by their mouth dat our cca is a team cca...and our team of J1s are full of team spirit...bud why am i not feeling it the love. for instance the 2nd intake cca day today...it was suppose to be done by us J1s. the prep for it of cos started like mayb a wk ago? (how wud i noe...im being leftout rmb?) anw...the pt is dat im nvr informed of anything happening...almost every info i only get on the day itself. like we had diff jobs to be allocated...like being in charge of the banners...activities...promotions and stuffs...i was nearly not involved in anything at all. i was kinda involved in the banner cos juz nice dey did it after training when im actually arnd. bud for the dng of charts or flyers or activities...i didnt noe abt them at all until its way over and everything is rdy...yes i noe i might not be of any use...bud at least let me in on the news rite. im also damn pissed off by the fact dat when dey're dng the job allocations...no one thought of me at all...doubt dey tink i cn be of any help to em...bud juz to give me face...dey placed my job under "misc", which basically translates to dng nth...just sit back and watch them do it all. to sum it all up...if not for hanming being in canoeing...and dat i kinda love the sport and wan to master it...i wud seriously quit asap. its like hanming said he helped me put in alot of gd words during the 1st intake especially for selection test...den 3 of us joined during 1st intake so everyone noes hanming got 3juniors frm his sku in the cca...den 2quit liao left me...i feel obliged to stay...if i quit..den hanming wud be like damn no face wht...rite? so i was like tinking heck care everyone in the cca...try to be by myself...a loner in the cca...bud juz grit hard and hang in thr.but its always so sickening to walk at the back of the pack alone...watching the rest chat it up with one another...being the slowest runner with the worst stamina...trying my very best to just keep up with the rest...watch in envy as dey improve in their fitness and do pullups...im just praying if i dun pon anymore trainings especially water trainings...i wud fully focus and train hard to be hopefully one of the best in the team...im already lagging behind the rest of those enthu ppl who haven missed any trainings and even gone for additional ones...seriously if i become one of the fastest in the team no one wud dare ignore me rite...lolx.
well...at least...thank god thank god thank god (im not christian dun be mistaken)...the bloody damn nic finally tio persuaded to join back lahh...heng kia i got fren liao. if he quits agn...im so gna kill him. got classmate in the same cca btr...at least our timestables are the same...less lonely.
okay...i guess dis length of post shld be okay to roughly compensate for the long time of absence bahh...so sry cos im busy slping rmb? anw...ya i gtg...dunnid to guess also noe im gna slp now...so off i go.
all of us must pass through the Dark before we see the Dawn.
__fiEryhA__
x--01/03/90 pisces
x--seventeen
x--olvl 9pointer LOL
x--eccentric and abnormal
x--fiery_blue@hotmail.com
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